Mother's Day

Well today marks the end of my 4th Mother's Day, and it was just a good as ever!

 I have an amazing husband, and the most amazing daughter.

On my road to motherhood, there were days that I wondered if this was meant to be for me. 

I cried, I smiled, I was hopeful, I was hopeless, I was angry, I was anxious, I was excited..so many emotions..so many unknowns. Would I ever kiss my own sweet baby's face or get a homemade card with my name on it? 

I didn't know.

I dreamt of this sweet girl, prayed for her loving heart, longed to kiss her sweet cheeks, and begged to hold her in my arms long before I knew who she was, and just when I thought I couldn't do these things much longer with empty arms and a broken heart, Christ reached down and touched us with a single miracle. 

A miracle that science can't explain.

Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience.  Sometimes I feel as though I have walked to hell and back for the chance to be a Mom. A mom who could celebrate Mother's Day, and yet despite my filled arms and loving heart, there are many days that I feel as though I am still on a walk to hell and back. Yes, we long for more children. Yes, Alison asks when it's her turn to be a big sister, and a good one she'll be. No, our scientific problem did not go away. 

Yes, we know that our Creator is the only in complete control of us. 

It's not easy, but it's our life, and we love each other even more through it all.

I have this feeling that it took so long to bring Alison to us 

 because Christ was waiting for my mom to let her go in heaven. 

Their time together may have been short, but it has an everlasting impact.

My mom lives within Alison, and I can clearly see it.

Alison's personality is truly amazing, her spirit so kind and loving, 

and I am soo incredibly blessed to call her mine. I am her mother and she is my child. 

We celebrated Mother's Day with lots of kisses, fried eggs and toast for breakfast, thought filled cards, a well thought through gift, worshiping at church, family meals gathered around the table... and most importantly...

these sweet arms wrapped around my neck non-promptly saying 

"You're the best mommy EEEVVER!"

That may be what she sees in her eyes, but I see...

the best family God could have ever given me! 

Even if it will be the three of us forever, or added by 2 or 3..it is the most perfect for me.

Happy Mother's Day to all those special moms out there! 

No matter what road you are on or have taken, Motherhood is completely worth it!