Hey Stephanie!
I just wanted to send you a little note to tell you how WONDERFUL Alison is!  She was SOOOO helpful today!  She was helping all the girls in class anyway she could and it wasn't for an extra star-burst or for any attention or special recognition.  She was helping without telling me and was so sweet about it, and even quiet about it. Sometimes girls help and say "did you see me Mrs. Trisha?  look how helpful I am!  Wasn't that nice of me!"  kinda funny! :) 
Well, today some of the girls were complaining that their ballet shoes were untied. Some of the girls shoes seem to continue to come untied the entire class time?  It's a mystery!  haa haa! Well, because the laces don't stay tied the best,  I taught the girls that real ballerinas take their straps and shove them into the toes of their shoes.  Well Alison was ON IT today!  She saw the girls saying "I cant tie.  Mrs. Trisha tie my ballet shoes", and she jumped up and started taking their laces and shoving them into the toe of their shoe just like I had taught them without me having to ask for her help, and she did it without asking me to "watch her be helpful".   She's a girl who takes action with a genuine heart to be helpful!  She NEVER complains, or whines or gets fussy for help.  She is so independent and so helpful and she is a blessing to have in class.  Her little "helper bee" self is so helpful to me and I am so grateful for her!  I meant to give her extra star-bursts today and explain to the class what she did and time just slipped away and I forgot.  I will make sure to recognize her next week as I want to be sure the girls see that it's dancers like like Alison that make our class a happy place to be! :)  Thank you for letting me teach Alison. She is a joy!
~your friend, Trisha

I had tears. Tears. Tears of being proud and tears of shame. What mother doesn't LOVE to hear such kind words about their child.  I know I do! Shame because I allow doubt, lack of faith, and questioning to fill my precious time and occupy my thoughts. I was convicted. I was broken. My daughter might not recognize EVERY letter of the alphabet. She might not able to identify every sound that they make, but her heart and character is growing into a servants heart. One who is seeking after Christ. Isn't that what I am truly aiming for?? Homeschooling isn't solely so I can teach her everything she needs to know. It allows for training and character building to be lead by me…Her mother…the one in whom God TRUSTED to me. He CLEARLY said.. "Why can't you just TRUST me?" "You are worrying about things I am already working on." I felt revived. I felt empowered. I felt happy. I felt SO CLOSE TO CHRIST that I could feel his presence. His soft voice was speaking loudly to me.

Fast forward to December 16th. I sat in the office. Scared. Nervous. IUI. Need I say more. As the tears of nervousness began to fall, my sweet husband wiped them away and said remember what HE has been telling you.. Trust Him. It's what I needed to do. What he called me to do. No other choice, but to Trust Him. I was happy to do it in the happy times, but what about the not-so-happy-I-don't-like times?? I knew what I needed to do. It wouldn't change my situation. It wouldn't change if I would get a positive or not..but it would get me through whatever I was called to do.

What a New Year's surprise!! Greg was elated..it was our secret, but something kept telling..just remember..I am calling you to TRUST me. Well of course!! That would be easy!! A prayer was answered! A heartbreak restored! Dreams fulfilled! Could this really be?? A baby for me???

For one whole week..I thought it was going to be a piece of cake! Initial blood work was right as they should be. Yet, something kept tugging at my heart…Don't forget about that TRUST….and then Monday happened. Then I understood why he was molding my heart to trust him. News that I didn't want to hear. Things weren't looking as they should. I had a devastated peace about the situation. It was strange. It was weird. It was my Savior with me. I am not going to lie..I shed tears..I thought positive thoughts..I cried..I tried to be happy and "pretend" everything was great. But the only thing I could really do..was turn toward Christ and put my trust in him. Beside he already knew what was happening with my baby. He created my child. He had my child in his hands.

Another week past. It was a long week. The details are irrelevant. 
And by the end of the week..I was still at peace. 
By Monday the 16th..there was pain. Pain in my body. 
Pain in my heart. I had to say good-bye.
 I am thankful that my doctor took this picture of my sweet babe. Was it a boy or girl? I'll never know. 
But..I do know a few things. I am loved. Christ loves me. He is with me in my pain. My family is loved. People prayed for our family. People blessed our family. Tonight I have hope. This baby made me stronger. He or she gave me a story to tell. 
Today I TRUST that my Savior has my life in HIS hands.